See, lately somebody that I really care about push me to the edge. I feel like being pushed to a deep pool--or bottomless sea, even--and I have no idea how to swim or let alone survive.
Yet that friend (for convenience sake, let's call that friend "A") just laughed when I told A this. A said I was more than equipped to handle myself. And A keeps pushing me. Dragging me, if I may say, to things that might bring doom and gloom.
Imagine yourself, blind and clueless, entering a huge, dark cavern filled with malicious things. Armed with diverse imagination, conviction that you cannot fail because it's not an option, you force yourself upward.
Aye, A, I still resent you for doing this. I know you have your own opinion, and when you shared it with me, I appreciated the logic. Yet the emotional side of me still refuse to accept. I feel like I'm alone. So alone. And it hurts.
And I'm still ambivalent about this. Part of me wants you to read this so you'll understand. Another part wants you to stay away from this post, for I fear, even though you have read all of these you still won't understand my anguish. My worries.
And I know I'm being irrational. Unfair. You meant well, even though your methods, to me, are sometimes harsh. Do it first, then you'll get instructions. You should do this because if you don't, you'll only be other people's toys.
Do you have any idea how much that scares me? I'd rather you tell me all the rules so when I move head on to battleground, at least I have a clue on what I'm doing.
I'll just wallow in self-pity and try to accept. I will, eventually. Like the fact that no matter how much it may hurt me, I still care and love you. Even if you claim you do not share the same sentiments.
And for others who do not understand, don't attempt to do so. This is just a rambling post, and I need to write it down to find peace.