This date, two years ago
I was in a complex state of mind. I felt something yet I couldn't place what it really was. I tossed and turned, thinking even when I slept. Striving for an answer. Then suddenly it came.
I realized that I was in love.
I have never been that shy. I'm the type who wears my heart on my sleeve. Yes, I'm that obvious when I'm in love.
Yet that time, I felt chained and helpless.
He was my best friend! And it was such a perfect friendship. I feared that my feelings would ruin it all.
Whenever I wanted to talk, I turned to him. He would be there. He would understand. But this time?
So I did what I usually did when things started to get out of hand. I called my twin bro, literally begging and emotionally-blackmailing him to come to Bandung. (he was still working in Jakarta that time) We then went to a cafe, me talking and he listening, while having coffee and our favorite clam chowder soup. I told him that I was in love again. Yet I was so afraid to start anew. What if he didn't share the same feelings? What if it wouldn't work like my previous cataclysmic relationship? What if it was a rebound?
My relationship with my ex turned out to be a disaster for me. I ended up feeling lonely, morose and deformed. I felt something crucial was lacking in me. Maybe I was incapable of loving. Perhaps there was something wrong with my personality or even, my looks. I feared that nobody would ever love me for the rest of my life. My self-esteem was that low.
Andi Saptono managed to calm me down, asking me questions, probing further to know how deep my feelings were. After a while he smiled, an angelic, beautiful smile. Then he simply said, "Why don't you give him a call? I think he's just finished exercising in the gym. He could join us here."
I did that.
And it was so simple that it made me laugh.
Turned out that My Love had told Andi about his feelings to me before I did. That he didn't really know how to tell me about it. What if I refused? What if the perfect friendship was shattered just like that? What if it wouldn't work?
Then we both arrived at the same conclusion: What if it would work? We agreed (Andi included) that it would be heavenly. So we decided to give it a try. It sure worked!
The following year when isman proposed, it was only fitting that Andi became the first one to know.
We owe you so much, dearest twin. I wish I could hold you in my arms now, sharing these tears of joy and gratitude for the love you have shared... Thank you, thank you, thank you. May your path be golden and green, My Angel. May your heart and life be filled with love.