Sylvia's Life and Mine

Watched Sylvia today on DVD. It was like reopening old wounds. The tragic story of Sylvia Plath was quite similar to mine. The despair she felt, the anguish, the anger and the need of solitude and silence (read: death). The bitter hurt she felt when her man cheated on her, favoring another who seemed fresh and beautiful. How her writing consoled her through difficult times. She poured her energy and feelings to her writings, making them immortal and powerful.

In the past, I too found hope and consolation in my writings. My poems were filled with rage, hatred, dark emotions and vengeful words. I was humiliated, stripped from my dreams and self-confidence. My eyes were dry, because the tears I shed coursed within my heart. I had to act as if nothing was wrong. Every morning I had to convince myself:

"See? The sun is still shining! The world didn't end when he shared his heart with another. I'm still breathing. I bleed inside, but I'm still alive."

I wish I could die of a broken heart. But it just wouldn't do. For if I died, what would it accomplish? Would the man I once loved dearly care, or even feel some kind of remorse? I didn't think he was capable of that. When he cheated, did he think of me? Did he care if that would hurt me? Whatever happened to old promises like, "I will never hurt you, Dear", "I'll always be with you" or "I'll take care of you forever"? Swallowed by time? Consumed by love for another?

Unlike Plath, I decided to live. To be happy.

I will never forget the sorrow I felt. But I have to admit, it does amount to something. For because of this incident, I am stronger now. And a lot happier, married to the man that I trust with my heart and soul.

I thought the pain in the past wouldn't matter. Not much, anyway. But watching Sylvia...

And guess who gave me the DVD?

Certainly not my loving, gentle partner.

Well, it's over. I've watched the movie, the damage is done. I cried over it, but there's nothing spectacular with that. I've always been a crybaby.

Plath, where ever you are now, I hope you are happy.

You deserve it.

And I hope Ted Hughes will rot permanently in Hell. (If he isn't now.)