Saturday, July 10, 2004

My First Sign of Post Partum Blues

The condition of a new mother after giving birth. Feeling weepy for no strong reasons, helpless, vulnerable. Didn't think I'd experience that. Oh sure, I've always been emotional and moody. One small incident might affect me, fueling me to act either too harshly or kindly. But... maybe in my case it'd be different. That was my ego speaking.

A couple of days ago my partner, the baby and I went to the pediatrician. In the morning we were rejected because the list was already full. They told us to come again at two in the afternoon. Alright, so my baby and I visited the hospital again, this time with my parents. It was some minutes before two. They measured and then weighed Aza then told us to wait.

Minutes passed us by... a quarter to three the male nurse told us that the doctor was still in Hasan Sadikin Hospital. (We were in Limijati. It's quite far from Hasan Sadikin... not to mention the heavy traffic!) So the doctor would be there at about four.

It was then when I broke down and cried. Shamelessly I wailed, holding the baby who was sound asleep. I felt so frustrated and angry. We had been waiting for so long! I caressed Aza's cheeks, feeling like a terrible mother. Forcing the baby to wait for hours to get the dreadful BCG shot. The male nurse seemed to take a pity on me. He approached us, asking what the matter was. After knowing my frustration because we had to wait for a long, long time, he tried to cheer me up.
Male Nurse: It's OK... you can either wait or go to another doctor if it's taking too long. But I tell you what, we'll let you see the doctor as soon as possible. You'll be number three.
Me: (sobbing more loudly than ever)
Male Nurse: What's the matter this time?
Me: I already got number three right from the start!
Oh well. In the end we decided to wait. The doctor was very kind and soft-spoken. He was a very competent pediatrician, I know. However I still want to try my luck in finding another doctor for Aza.

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