To Pump or Not to Pump

Medella breast pump kit. I look at it so many times, day and night. Toying with the feelings--should I use it? Or maybe I should just wake Aza and check whether he is hungry or not?

In the mean time, I feel more and more intense pain on my chest. The longer I think, the more engorged they become.

I can spend hours trying to form a decision.

It's definitely a dilemma. If I use the pump, then put the bottle on the fridge, most likely the milk will be wasted. And I can waste up to 500 cc of milk daily. Aza feels that breastfeeding is sufficient for his needs. The milk won't be wasted if I go out somewhere and he is hungry. Which is not very often. Makes me think of donating the milk to a nearby orphanage, but I'm not sure how they'd react for that. It's not a common practice, I know.

If I wake Aza up, there's no guarantee that he'll be hungry.

So in the end I'll end up using the breastpump again.

But! There's a chance that Aza is hungry after waking up. And I eagerly try to seize that chance.

Even though most likely I'll turn to the pump again.

I often have this thought, why oh why don't lactating mothers who produce extra milk form a group, then sell or donate the milk? Then perhaps I won't feel this guilty, flushing the extra milk to the drain.