Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Happy New Year!

To me, new year is just another day. Ever since I was a child, it was not really a big deal for me. I never really celebrated it in a big party, anxiously waiting for the new year to come. Most of the time, I just stayed up late, watching TV, reading a book, working... ah well, like a regular day.

New year is big to some people. But why? I can appreciate it when people can eloquently say how much it really matters to them. Some, when asked, just shrug and say, "Hey, another day in celebration is always good, right?"

Maybe it is important, as a benchmark. New year will give you a chance to ponder and reflect. What have I done this year? What did I experience this year? How should I improve my life the following year?

What are your highlights this year? Some would want to think about it. New year is the time to do that.

That's why I don't believe in parties. I prefer to spend the new year alone. Or with my loved ones, at home. Because it is a private matter, the digging of reflections and memories. 

To me, 2013 is a bittersweet year. I lost three important people: my mother, my best friend, and a lecturer that I highly respected and admired. I decided to start anew and rethink my ideas of friendship. Some people, I want to keep. Some, I have to let go. I got many new friends, most of them are good and kind. I published four books this year, one short story collection, two novels, and one nonfiction. I managed to fulfill my targets for this year (professionally). In spite of the difficulties, I still manage to smile. I am stronger than I think I am, and this revelation elates and saddens me at the same time. 

I have grown older, and perhaps wiser. Some things that I thought were important... well, turns out my priorities have changed. 

I miss my mother and best friend. I could always talk about anything with them. Even though they are gone, in a way they are still here in my heart. Many things make me smile, sometimes they makes me weep. After someone is gone, you feel your heart shatter to zillions of pieces and you will spend a lifetime connecting them. It will never be whole again. But it will be tougher.

Enough about this wallowing. Happy new year! Celebrate it in any way you like. Me, I'll curl in bed with my kids, reading the newest installment of Skulduggery Pleasant. 

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