Wednesday, December 31, 2003

Situation like this makes me feel rather insecure. It's like this... you stumble upon something. It can be anything--a song, a book, a particular food. Supposing you dislike one of them. Intensely. And then you find out that others--many people to be exact, happen to like that particular thing. Will you doubt your taste? Your preference?

I know, I know, we can't argue when it comes to taste. I love salty food while my Quisalas prefer sweet ones. Why? I wouldn't know. Maybe the answer lies in conditioning, habit. Or perhaps you were just born with it. When I was a baby I loved chicken, prunes, apricots. I didn't like liver, for instance. Did my parents fed me those, forcefully, so I grew to like it? I don't think so. They made me taste many things before they (and myself, of course) found out that I liked and disliked particular things. I loved Classical music then. Now I still do.

I'm rambling again. Back to the topic. When it comes to taste, people tend to think with their ego. I like this one, so my taste is excellent. Is it? If so, how can you judge one's taste? Does it mean that, if many people happen to like it, you have a good taste?

My partner reminded me of Tom Reamy just now. He's one of my favorite writers. My good friend Nengti gave a book of his short stories while I was in high school.

Tom Reamy wrote superbly. He wrote fantasy stories. Well, incredible, sci-fi things. And he made them so believable, in spite of their inordinariness. He wrote that he hated one story of his--can't remember the title. He thought it was really bad. But many people loved that story. When I read that piece, I was stunned. I mean, come on! This one was excellent! I wish I had his skill and ideas so I could weave a fantastic story like that. Yet he detested it.

Now I begin to understand. What if, I publish many stories of mine? I might hate one or two. However, what if, many people love those stories? How would you feel? The ones that you think are terrible gain so much success! If you think like I do, you might feel insecure. At least, troubled.

I feel it coming... what did Shakespeare say? Something wicked this way comes? Something like that.

Regarding New Year

Many people believe that they should make New Year's resolutions. Even though they know, they'll end up breaking them. I used to make several resolutions in my teenage years, foolishly trying to keep them. After a year or two I realized, what was the use? If you make a resolution and then share it with somebody, you'll feel content. You think, "Well! I have done something!" And you'll feel extremely proud of yourself. Then you start to forget.

Resolutions can be made any time of the year. But in my opinion, new year's ones are the worst. Based from my experience, most likely they'll fail. Well who knows, maybe for others it's not the same.

And some people like to make caleidoscopes of the previous year. A silly habit. Because, unless you have a very vivid and photographic memory (keeping a journal will help immensely, of course), you might as well forget it. You might not remember what happened in a month, or two, or more. Actually this habit can be helpful. 'Cause you can evaluate yourself. You can set up some new goals for yourself, like I used to do. (since I'm a forgetful person, I often forget them. Having plenty of journals doesn't really help 'cause I tend to locate the journals where I cannot find 'em)

Let's see. 2003 has been a rich year for me. I got engaged then married this year. I dealt with crooks masquerading as benevolent people. I acquired several new friends, good ones. I won a couple of awards. I wrote like hell, more vigorous than before. I could finally forgive myself for the things I've done in the past. I rejoiced and mourned for some kittens born and then killed. My shin yu gave birth to twin boys, Shota Angkasa and Kohei Samudra, and I got to be their godmother! (lucky me!) Oh--so many things, I laugh and cry remembering them. Lord has indeed been kind to me. True, I encountered plenty of obstacles, but the rewards were great.

And now, it's time to rest...

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