Ramblings
Situation like this makes me feel rather insecure. It's like this... you stumble upon something. It can be anything--a song, a book, a particular food. Supposing you dislike one of them. Intensely. And then you find out that others--many people to be exact, happen to like that particular thing. Will you doubt your taste? Your preference?

I know, I know, we can't argue when it comes to taste. I love salty food while my Quisalas prefer sweet ones. Why? I wouldn't know. Maybe the answer lies in conditioning, habit. Or perhaps you were just born with it. When I was a baby I loved chicken, prunes, apricots. I didn't like liver, for instance. Did my parents fed me those, forcefully, so I grew to like it? I don't think so. They made me taste many things before they (and myself, of course) found out that I liked and disliked particular things. I loved Classical music then. Now I still do.

I'm rambling again. Back to the topic. When it comes to taste, people tend to think with their ego. I like this one, so my taste is excellent. Is it? If so, how can you judge one's taste? Does it mean that, if many people happen to like it, you have a good taste?

My partner reminded me of Tom Reamy just now. He's one of my favorite writers. My good friend Nengti gave a book of his short stories while I was in high school.

Tom Reamy wrote superbly. He wrote fantasy stories. Well, incredible, sci-fi things. And he made them so believable, in spite of their inordinariness. He wrote that he hated one story of his--can't remember the title. He thought it was really bad. But many people loved that story. When I read that piece, I was stunned. I mean, come on! This one was excellent! I wish I had his skill and ideas so I could weave a fantastic story like that. Yet he detested it.

Now I begin to understand. What if, I publish many stories of mine? I might hate one or two. However, what if, many people love those stories? How would you feel? The ones that you think are terrible gain so much success! If you think like I do, you might feel insecure. At least, troubled.

I feel it coming... what did Shakespeare say? Something wicked this way comes? Something like that.


Regarding New Year

Many people believe that they should make New Year's resolutions. Even though they know, they'll end up breaking them. I used to make several resolutions in my teenage years, foolishly trying to keep them. After a year or two I realized, what was the use? If you make a resolution and then share it with somebody, you'll feel content. You think, "Well! I have done something!" And you'll feel extremely proud of yourself. Then you start to forget.

Resolutions can be made any time of the year. But in my opinion, new year's ones are the worst. Based from my experience, most likely they'll fail. Well who knows, maybe for others it's not the same.

And some people like to make caleidoscopes of the previous year. A silly habit. Because, unless you have a very vivid and photographic memory (keeping a journal will help immensely, of course), you might as well forget it. You might not remember what happened in a month, or two, or more. Actually this habit can be helpful. 'Cause you can evaluate yourself. You can set up some new goals for yourself, like I used to do. (since I'm a forgetful person, I often forget them. Having plenty of journals doesn't really help 'cause I tend to locate the journals where I cannot find 'em)

Let's see. 2003 has been a rich year for me. I got engaged then married this year. I dealt with crooks masquerading as benevolent people. I acquired several new friends, good ones. I won a couple of awards. I wrote like hell, more vigorous than before. I could finally forgive myself for the things I've done in the past. I rejoiced and mourned for some kittens born and then killed. My shin yu gave birth to twin boys, Shota Angkasa and Kohei Samudra, and I got to be their godmother! (lucky me!) Oh--so many things, I laugh and cry remembering them. Lord has indeed been kind to me. True, I encountered plenty of obstacles, but the rewards were great.

And now, it's time to rest...

Highlight of the Day

Finished one story. Hooray! Finally! A sense of accomplishment! Now I can rest, hehe.

So What's Cookin'?

(literally) I sauteed some vegs, beancurd, and chicken. Suits my taste very much though
I am aware that to others it might be too salty. Steamed chicken's breast for him.

Plan to spend New Year's Eve at my parents'. Won't do anything much, prolly watch TV
and perhaps cook something nice. Maybe rissotto. With tomato juice, mushroom, chunks
of chicken and perhaps sausages. Am dying to make quiche. Have to buy filo pastry
or puff pastry dough and cream first.

Oh, talking about food always makes me hungry. I'm off for lunch.

Muffins

I wonder. It seems that I talk more and more about food each day, hahah! Ohkay, about muffins first. Baked apple muffins (my favorite! yum!) and chocolate muffins two days ago. I still have one apple muffin left. At this moment I am looking at it with mixed feelings--should I eat it now? Or maybe I should wait until I'm very, very hungry so I'd really appreciate it?

Muffin Apel ala Primadonna Angela

Bahan-bahan:
- 2 telur ayam
- 225 gram gula pasir
(bisa ditambah atau dikurangi, sesuai selera)
- 2 apel (Granny Smith atau apel malang. Parut kasar. Campurkan dengan air perasan
jeruk nipis.)
- 75 ml minyak makan
- 300 gram terigu campur dengan:
- 1 sendok teh baking powder
- 1 sdt soda kue
- 1 sendok makan kayu manis bubuk
- 2 sendok makan gula pasir, campur dengan 1 sdt kayu manis bubuk, untuk taburan.

Cara Membuat:
- Siapkan loyang muffin. Letakkan mangkuk kertas khusus di atasnya. (dapat dibeli di
pasar tradisional atau swalayan yang menjual perlengkapan membuat kue)
- Kocok telur dengan gula menggunakan mixer sampai warnanya agak putih.
- Campurkan terigu, apel, dan minyak sedikit demi sedikit sampai semua adonan
tercampur. Aduk sampai rata.
- Masukkan adonan ke dalam mangkuk kertas hingga mengisi kurang lebih 3/4-nya.
- Taburi dengan campuran gula dan kayu manis.
- Panggang selama kurang lebih 30-40 menit dalam oven bersuhu 160 derajat Celcius.

I got the original recipe from my favorite mag, Femina. I made slight changes in the recipe according to my liking.

My Question of the Day

If you happen to live in Indonesia like I do, maybe you also notice this stale sentence from crappy, sappy movies or sinetrons. In Indonesian, it is, "Buktikan cintamu padaku." Or in English, "Give me a proof, if you really love me." Something like that.

My question is, how could you prove to someone else that you love him or her? I mean, the moment the sentence is uttered, to me it sounds like a ghastly omen. It seems that no matter what you do, how hard you try, the other person could just say, "Well, that's not enough!"

I am perplexed with this silly sentence. Does love need to be proven? If so, can you give any proofs?

Maybe the person saying it has something in her or his mind. Such as, "Ohkay, if this guy buys me diamonds and pearls, then indeed, he loves me very much." Or, "If this girl is willing to give up her virginity for me, then I know, she does love me."

Tarot and Crystals

It has been a while. Yesterday I did some readings using my Zen Tarot deck and my roze quartz pendulum. I asked several questions and received answers that amazed me. One yes/no question was answered "yes", but today I found out that the answer's "no". The first time that the crystal failed to give the accurate answer. Oh well, maybe I should cleanse my crystals. After all, it's been--what, almost a year?--since I last bathed them in salty water, moonlight, and sunlight. Maybe it is time. Or maybe my biorhythm was disturbed. Perhaps it was only natural. Could it be my faith is waning? Hmmmm.

I have delved in cartomancy (read: Tarot) since I was in high school. I bought my first deck, the Zen version, either in 1991 or 1992. My Dad got me a standard version in 1993. Ten years later, October 2003, he bought me a smaller version, to be carried anywhere. I also have tea-leaf cards; and though I find them to be reliable, I seldom use them. (the cards' shape is circular. Not very practical.)

Some people say that you have to have "the gift" to be able to read Tarot. I believe anyone can read Tarot. It's fairly easy. As long as you're willing to learn, willing to open your boundaries and embrace new concepts. Of course, what I 'read' in one session might differ to what somebody else 'reads'. That's what makes it so interesting.